SOURCES:
#1-http://4thebest4e.tripod.com/id15.html
#2-http://www.spartacus.schoolnet.co.uk/USASships.htm
#3-http://www.melfisher.org/exhibitions/lastslaveships/slaveships.htm
#4-http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/aia/part4/4p2956.html
#5-http://www.bristolandslavery.4t.com/auctions.htm
#6-http://library.thinkquest.org/CR0212661/id19.
#7-http://www.historyonthenet.com/Slave_Trade/middle_passage.htm
The slaves on the slave ships were treated "as a cargo of livestock"(#3).Even though the conditions on the slave ships were horrible, 4 out of 5 Africans, on average, survived the journey(#3).They were treated as if they were not human(#5). Slaves were treated as property(#4). The sailors didn't give them much food to eat, because they thought food was expensive to buy so they bought as little as possible(#1).When the Africans were taken aboard the ship, they were frightened, because they thought that the White people would eat them(#6). They would even whip and beat the slaves if they did anything wrong. There was not much fresh air to breathe(#2). There was a lot of disease going around the slave ships so a lot of Africans died(#1).Disease was spread easily on the ships because of poor hygiene(#1). They were packed together so it was very very crowded(#1).The Africans didn't have much space to move around(#1). The Africans were chained so they could not move at all because of this reason, the slave ships turned into "a stinking mass of human waste"(#7).To many Africans on slave ships, death was more preferable than life(#1).Some of them tried to die by starving themselves(#7).But if the slaves chose not to eat, they would force them to eat, they would even be whipped for not eating (#7). Some tried to die by jumping overboard and basically committing suicide(#7).They also believed that when you die, you go back to your family and friends(#1).When an African died on a slave ship, they would just throw them aboard(#6).The slave ships would usually take the Africans from Africa to the West Indies or North America(#2).They would chain the slaves on the ankle and on the wrist(#1).They would even auction off the slaves(#5). The healthy slaves would be worth more than the weak ones(#5).
This was amazing. When I first looked at your blog, all the numbered citations, I actually smiled. This was exactly what I was hoping for. I can see that you didn't create any of these ideas. You went out, gathered facts, organized them, and then presented them very clearly. There were only one or two facts that came out of place in your piece. For example, you mention that the slaves were chained together at the very end of the paragraph, when I'm pretty sure they would have been chained the whole time. Seriously, this is good stuff.
ReplyDeleteThe next level, which you are certainly capable of, is making the paragraph feel more like a paragraph than a string of facts. The way you do that is by 1) adding an introduction and conclusion of the topic and adding transition words, like 'then,' 'finally,' 'because.' It is tricky to take ideas from everywhere and make them feel cohesive, but you were very close. The best example of your success was this section: "To many Africans on slave ships, death was more preferable than life(#1).Some of them tried to die by starving themselves(#7).But if the slaves chose not to eat, they would force them to eat, they would even be whipped for not eating (#7). Some tried to die by jumping overboard and basically committing suicide(#7)." You introduced a subtopic, had a few examples and even followed one of your example (starving) a little further and then you continued with another example of the subtopic. That was incredible. Nice job.
Again, add an introduction and conclusion and try to organize and present the ideas so that if you were reading the paragraph it would not sound like a list of facts, but rather a story.
Very good
30/30